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| Thread: Capitalism for Dummies |  This thread is pages long: 1 2 · NEXT» |
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Svarog
Honorable
Supreme Hero
statue-loving necrophiliac
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posted April 20, 2004 03:05 AM |
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Capitalism for Dummies
Have you ever wondered what is capitalism? Here's one pretty much accurate explanation for you. And the reason why we should all become socialist. 
Traditional Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
American Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.
French Capitalism: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
Japanese Capitalism: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create cow cartoon images called Cowmon and market them World-Wide.
British Capitalism: You have two cows. Both are mad.
Russian Capitalism: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
Hindu Capitalism: You have two cows. You worship them.
Macedonian Capitalism: You have two cows. You sign yourself and the two cows to the Employment Bureau.
*(my country-40% unemployed!)
Disney Capitalism: You have two cows. They dance & sing.
Microsoft Capitalism: You have two cows. You patent them and sue anyone else who has them.
Hollywood Capitalism: You have two cows. You give them utter implants and also teach them to bullet-dodge, wall climb and shoot milk out of their utters on command.
Real Capitalism: You don't have any cows. The bank will not lend you money to buy cows, because you don't have any cows to put up as collateral.
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The meek shall inherit the earth, but NOT its mineral rights.
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Aquaman333
Famous Hero
of the seven seas
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posted April 20, 2004 03:12 AM |
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It's worked so far, why give it up?
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"Brian, look! There's a message in my Alphabits! It says,
"OOOOOOO!"."
"Peter, those are Cheerios."-Family Guy
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IYY
Responsible
Supreme Hero
REDACTED
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posted April 20, 2004 03:23 AM |
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LOL @ Svarog
Quote:
It's worked so far, why give it up?
That's what they said about monarchy, slave labour and the Roman Empire.
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Aquaman333
Famous Hero
of the seven seas
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posted April 20, 2004 03:34 AM |
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Quote:
Quote:
It's worked so far, why give it up?
That's what they said about monarchy, slave labour and the Roman Empire.
Well capitalism has human rights, democaracy, etc. So it's not really fair to compare them.
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"Brian, look! There's a message in my Alphabits! It says,
"OOOOOOO!"."
"Peter, those are Cheerios."-Family Guy
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Svarog
Honorable
Supreme Hero
statue-loving necrophiliac
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posted April 20, 2004 03:45 AM |
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Hmmm, should I have posted this in the other side?
Cheer up, guys! Give it a lighter note to this one.
But before you do, just want to say that domocracy and human rights have little to do with capitalism. Done. 
Put it anyway you want, the result is all the same - poor poor cows.
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The meek shall inherit the earth, but NOT its mineral rights.
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Marelt_Ekiran
Promising
Famous Hero
Watcher of All
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posted April 20, 2004 04:10 AM |
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Quote:
Have you ever wondered what is capitalism? Here's one pretty much accurate explanation for you. And the reason why we should all become socialist.
He's a socialist. Lynch him!!!
Let me just analyse your filthy socialist propaganda and show everyone the supremacy of the capitalist system.
Quote:
Traditional Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
Hence, creating more resources for the entire world. You just illustrated the beauty of capitalism.
Quote:
American Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.
When Adam Smith designed capitalism, he assumed that the practitioners would possess some amount of intelligence. Apparently, he forgot to take the Americans into account.
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French Capitalism: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
A good capitalist knows that he has to work for cows. Only socialists would be stupid enough to think that not working creates resources out of nothing. Therefore, there is no such thing as French Capitalism. They're all socialists.
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Japanese Capitalism: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create cow cartoon images called Cowmon and market them World-Wide.
If it's efficient, it makes money, and there is demand for it, then all the better. Innovation is another part of the glory of capitalism. Has a socialist ever innovated or invented anything?
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British Capitalism: You have two cows. Both are mad.
Shoot them, discard the nerve and brain tissue that contains the disease, sell the meat and buy two non-mad cows with the money. A little practical knowledge can help a lot in these cases.
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Russian Capitalism: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
I offer a capitalistic salute to whoever is selling the Vodka over there.
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Hindu Capitalism: You have two cows. You worship them.
Capitalism and religion don't go well together. In fact, religion doesn't go well with anything.
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Macedonian Capitalism: You have two cows. You sign yourself and the two cows to the Employment Bureau.
*(my country-40% unemployed!)
Hey, if they can get a job and make money, I see no problem...
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Disney Capitalism: You have two cows. They dance & sing.
The infernal touch of Dishey corrupts anything, so you can't blame the system on this development.
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Microsoft Capitalism: You have two cows. You patent them and sue anyone else who has them.
Well, duh... If you own cows and then someone else owns them, it is obvious that they stole them. This assumption is based on the simple fact that a cow cannot be two cows at the same time.
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Hollywood Capitalism: You have two cows. You give them utter implants and also teach them to bullet-dodge, wall climb and shoot milk out of their utters on command.
If it keeps the great masses happy, then I see no problem with it. It's a mutual beneficial relationship. One side enjoys, the other side makes lots of cash.
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Real Capitalism: You don't have any cows. The bank will not lend you money to buy cows, because you don't have any cows to put up as collateral.
Another DUH!!! Go and work for someone who has cows, save up your money, buy a cow for yourself and follow the steps described above in "traditional capitalism".
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Perception is everything.
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Lith-Maethor
Honorable
Legendary Hero
paid in Coin and Cleavage
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posted April 20, 2004 04:17 AM |
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ROTFLMAO
...with a small objection on the 'macedonian' part but its totally offtopic here so i say no more
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You are suffering from delusions of adequacy.
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Shirastro
Famous Hero
Happy happy joy joy
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posted April 20, 2004 04:21 AM |
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Marelt_Ekiran take a tranquility dart
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And now to the next post.
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Marelt_Ekiran
Promising
Famous Hero
Watcher of All
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posted April 20, 2004 04:25 AM |
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MWHUAHAHAHAHA....
I am immume to your socialist poisons, you insignificant dust particle.
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Perception is everything.
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Deimos
Known Hero
LHW Paladin
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posted April 20, 2004 04:34 AM |
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Socialism: You have 2 cows. Wait, no, you don't. The government has 2 cows. You have none. You are poor. WAAAH!
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Let's Have War=Best thread on HC.
By the way, my name is Deimos, not Diemos.
Some people don't have a life. Others spend it on HC- Lord Woock.
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Shirastro
Famous Hero
Happy happy joy joy
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posted April 20, 2004 04:41 AM |
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Quote:
Socialism: You have 2 cows. Wait, no, you don't. The government has 2 cows. You have none. You are poor. WAAAH!
Yeah and than you go and eat some children
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And now to the next post.
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Svarog
Honorable
Supreme Hero
statue-loving necrophiliac
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posted April 20, 2004 01:00 PM |
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Quote:
Socialism: You have 2 cows. Wait, no, you don't. The government has 2 cows. You have none. You are poor. WAAAH!
But you still get to drink the milk from them. 
I made another one:
HC capitalism: You have two cows. One is called Aquaman, the other's called Marelt_Ekiran.
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The meek shall inherit the earth, but NOT its mineral rights.
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Vadskye91
Promising
Supreme Hero
Back again
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posted April 20, 2004 02:52 PM |
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nonono. HC capitalism: You have two cows. They engage in a philosophical debate over whether a post is spamming or tossing. You find them later, dead with burn marks on them.
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Knowledge is power...
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ratmonky
Famous Hero
Abu Hur Ibn Rashka
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posted April 20, 2004 05:49 PM |
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HOMM Capitalism - You have two cows and you kill the cows of other heroes because yours are mighty cows.
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Lord_Woock
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Daddy Cool with a $90 smile
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posted April 20, 2004 06:37 PM |
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Heck no.
HoMM capitalism: you've got two cows, you give one to another hero to grab more resources.
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Yolk and God bless.
---
My buddy's doing a webcomic and would certainly appreciate it if you checked it out!
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frostwolf
Famous Hero
livin' in a bottle of vodka
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posted April 20, 2004 09:37 PM |
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Romanian capitalism: you have 2 cows. The state confiscates one and gipsyes steal the other. You die of hunger.
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What can you expect from a world where everybody lives because they're too afraid to commit suicide?
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Wiseman
Known Hero
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posted April 20, 2004 09:57 PM |
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HC capitalism: You have two cows, and just when you`re prepared to milk them ,privatehudson comes in and says:
"Ha!, That`s no way to milk a cow." Naturally you start
arguing with him, and of course he wins.The problem is that you have no idea at what point of that 100 page debate
did you lose or how.The important thing is that both
cows are long deceased.
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Asmodean
Responsible
Supreme Hero
Heroine at the weekend.
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posted April 21, 2004 02:38 AM |
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Irish Capitalism: You don't have any cows. You had too much to drink last night and bought potatoes instead.
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To err is human, to arr is pirate.
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gorman
Promising
Legendary Hero
Been around since before 2003
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posted April 21, 2004 04:51 AM |
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Quote:
Quote:
Socialism: You have 2 cows. Wait, no, you don't. The government has 2 cows. You have none. You are poor. WAAAH!
But you still get to drink the milk from them.
I made another one:
HC capitalism: You have two cows. One is called Aquaman, the other's called Marelt_Ekiran.
Them be some fat heifer's you got there....where might the bull be?
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When all else fails... Take notes.... ALL the time... ESPECIALLY when playing D&D.... or Pokemon in my case
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Marelt_Ekiran
Promising
Famous Hero
Watcher of All
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posted April 21, 2004 05:08 AM |
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Typical. The socialists run out of sensable things to say, and then they start making bad jokes to hide that fact.
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Perception is everything.
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